I've strayed somewhat from the roots of this once-tame space on the internet, and as I read back over some of my more recent posts I think to myself: what twisted psychopath conceived such macabre drivel. The answer is me, of course, but I like to think it's a part of me locked away most of the time.
The truth is, I write this crap when I'm angry at something or someone. It allows me to stay calm and collected out there in the real world; anyone that knows me personally can probably vouch for that. Most of the time it's about relationships with people, whether that be family, friends or just random shitheads I meet in the wild. The last post was a culmination of wanting to write a holiday tale and being incredibly pissed off at my brother. The result wasn't pretty, granted. But I felt PURE NIRVANA afterwards.
I'm lonely too. 2 weeks ago I moved to the US from the city in England I'd known for 18 years of my life. Away from people I've known for a significant portion of that time and some I'd met and grown close to in the last 2 years, having moved back from Malaysia. I knew nobody in this massive city, and until I start classes and my voluntary work I won't have any real friends. I've met some of the faculty at the University of Washington and Seattle University, but I'd hardly call them friends. Siiiigggghh. To be fair though, there's one guy from my school in Malaysia living about 30 miles south of me, which is pretty cool. Haven't met up with him yet though. I diiid meet up with a friend in California though. That was awesome. It's a really cool place too. Southern California, anyway. I miss a lot of people though, and I'm starting to feel the distance. I haven't talked to my best friend in quite some time now. Last I heard he's getting on really well where he is, which I'm glad for. I guess when you move around so much you have to get used to this kind of stuff, but I'd like to hold on to my closest friends. Thing is, I don't know how to initiate a sort of 'catch-up'. It's stupid really, because when I was with these people it was easy to talk to them. I guess I just have this fear that they've moved on to better things and don't have time for me.
I didn't like how big that paragraph was getting. My brother came in and distracted me so I've lost my train of thought. Whatever, that'll do. I know you're probably reading this too, brother. Go ahead and judge. Just remember, I have plenty of secrets about you to share with everyone you know if you use this against me. You know better than to fuck with me. Learn that. Live that.
*Skips off merrily into the sunset*
It's pitch black outside so that doesn't work. Oh yeah, happy new year, by the way. I almost forgot it's still the 1st of January. I have a good feeling about 2014. If it turns out to be awful I'll have a good laugh reading back over this and shaking my head at my past self's naivete. However, I stand by that good feeling.
Toodles!
- JF
No comments:
Post a Comment