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That title was me lazily dragging the side of my hand against the keyboard. It's midnight and I'm insanely tired, but I'm not allowed to sleep because I somehow forgot about a certain geography project that has to be in tomorrow.. Or today rather.. Anyway, one or two of my friends said they wouldn't mind having a little story dedicated to them. I'm a really nice guy so I thought I'd comply. Except that it's midnight and screw them. Plus it's only been four days since my last post which is a gap I'm way too uncomfortable with. Maybe later then, I say as I wave my hand in that sort of gesture you make when it's early morning and somebody walks in that you want to go away, accompanied with the closing of the eyes and the pathetic moan. Don't think I've forgotten about you though, you silly little sausages. I never forget. Never. I was in 'Nam. Albeit some 30 years after the war finished, but man.. I saw some things. Not quite sure where I was going with that.

So I guess what this is, is a chance for me to vent before I spend a solid few hours perfecting this project. That's right, a selfish post, so piss off now if you're expecting anything of substance. So let's see what there is to do at such a time of night. I mean, I'm no stranger to staying up late and have in fact pulled all-nighters before, but usually it's because it's really hot, insomnia is kicking in, or there's just something, or someone, really interesting keeping me up. This time the temperature is positively lukewarm, I'm alone, I can't think of anything to do other than work and I'm actually rather tired. Scratch that, as I said before I'm insanely tired. Excuse the lack of coherency. Hah, oh wait, who am I even talking to. Well lets see what's going on.

So avoiding facebook, steam and most definitely this thing called twitter kids are using these days, I swdfvgbhnjmk,gljmk I decided to go get a drink. Oh, seems I may have pressed my hand against the keyboard. Well I'm certainly not going back to correct that. Not enough time. Like jeez. Oh, the bulb in my room just blew, that's going to make working slightly more difficult. Ah, I', in a much more comfotabel positingon ipo my bee now. Although it doe skinda mean i', typinh eith the sides of m hsnds. H4h, it's funny becwue4 i was doinh thi with my friend thr other day. He actuallu understood everyhtin gquite well tp be honest. Y'knwo what? I will tell a little soty after all. I5's the story of a boy called Jhnoy. I hthink you knoe whoyouarre.

So, I just realised WI astarted my last two paragraphs with 'so'. Lol. I'm a literary genius. But anywaym, as I was say9ing.. jHNOY WAS A  QUEIT LQE, oops, sorry. Jhnoy was a quier las, ddyyfre 6tvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvugh. Seriously. So tired. I think it was best I adjusted myself to a more appropriate position for this. LIKE I WAS SAYING:

Jhnoy sat in his cubicle.
    "I wonder what I'll do today" he pondered, though the answer was simple, he would play video games until what little skin remaining on his fingertips flaked away. He gritted his teeth, booted up his PC (which just so happened to be the only appliance in his cubicle) and planted his tender behind upon his x-rocker 2.1 sound gaming chair. The light of the screen glowed in his wide, blood-shot eyes. Foam appeared in the corner of his mouth and culminated until it was dribbling down his chin onto his hands. There was a muffled thud as his erect penis hit the underside of the table upon which his computer sat. He simply couldn't suppress his excitement any longer.
   "C'moooon" he whined, his pitch consistent with that of the screeching nerds who line outside game stores for midnight releases. Before long the loading times became too much. His face, which during this time had been moving closer and closer to the screen, slammed straight into the monitor. Once Jhnoy withdrew his face from the broken mess it was contorted into the most peculiar of shapes, you could hardly tell where nose ended and mouth began. After a moment of silence, he collapsed forward, causing him to slide across the table, bringing the entire computer system with him.
   "Nyeeeh, what the heeeeck" he moaned as he fell into a crumpled heap on the floor, bits of computer strewn around him. The harsh reality then hit him. All of his save files were gone, all of his 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' porn had been eradicated. He punched a clammy, nerdy fist through the foamy wall of his cubicle, bursting out into the sunlight. Unfortunately, having spent the last few years inside the cubicle his body wasn't too fond of this new environment. He promptly burst into flames, sending him screaming to the conveniently located stream nearby. Fancy that, this whole time he had been situated in a meadow with a stream, surrounded by pristine hills and mountains. After emerging from the stream he crawled onto the bank, panting heavily.

Then, something beautiful happened. A bright light appeared over the horizon. It moved closer to Jhnoy. Closer. His eyes shone, resembling a silly anime character. He made a stupid noise, much like that of a yak being beaten with a whip. It wasn't until the light was inches from him that he realised he was in danger. But by then it was too late. The ponies had come so quickly. Nothing could have stopped them. Before long Derpy was humping the side of his head, greatly damaging his ear. Slowly, his hearing disappeared and he was left with an incessant ringing. Fluttershy gnawed on his leg, which quickly turned into tugging. Eventually his legs were torn from his body, leaving bloodied stumps that spurted liquid everywhere, much to the delight of the ponies that frolicked and jumped in the squirty shower. The ponies stood in a line, admiring their handywork, then parted as Princess Tiffany appeared. She approached the quivering mess of a boy, moved her face towards his until they were practically touching and then whispered with the deep voice of a black, ghetto man:
    "Ain't nobody fucks with the ponies. Friendship is magic, bitch" Jhnoy stared with complete and utter horror into her eyes, then fainted. With this Tiffany smiled slightly, then turned to her followers and beckoned for them to join her in the feast. Slowly they paced towards the frail body, licking their lips.

Well that certainly passed the time. I probably won't go back and proof read that mess, so deal with what you've got. I hate you, I hate you all. Now I'm going to sit in that dark corner over there and cut myself until all the pain and voices go away.